Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Bridge

I've always been scared of bridges. The small ones that tend to wobble just a bit when you cross them; the old rickety bridges that you just know are going to be replaced or shut down shortly; and especially the long and incredibly high bridges that span large rivers as we drive across the country.

I think that my trepidatious relationship with bridges spawns from my fear of heights, but I think even more so it is born out of my desire for control. Imagine being eight months pregnant and trapped in a traffic jam on a mile long bridge that, in your mind, only has an end because common sense dictates it. Heights and loss of control wrapped into one not-so-pretty package.

So, knowing this about me, you might be surprised to learn that I spent this morning lying in the middle of a wooden bridge. Now, the bridge was approximately twenty feet long, not a mile. And the ground below the bridge was probably eight feet below...and covered in soft grass. But, still. I was lying in the middle of a bridge.

I walked across it first. I jumped a little to test the strength of the wood. I peeked over the edge. I sat down carefully and slowly stretched myself across its crest. And though my initial purpose was solely to "Be", it didn't take very long before God used it to teach me.

I knew the wood was strong. I was sure it would support me. The contruction and very essence of the bridge was solid. But I had to push away the shadow of fear that tickled my mind with doubt..."You could fall."

And, as it often does, suddenly my present situation collided directly with my spiritual weakness.

We know God is strong. "My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my Savior." (2nd Samuel 22:3)

We know God will support us. "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." (1 Peter 5:10 NLT)

We know God is solid. "Who but our God is a solid rock?" (2nd Samuel 22:32b NLT); "Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: 'The Lord knows those who are his.'" (2 Timothy 2:19a NLT)

We know all of this. But the fear, disguised as doubt, still winds itself through us. We fight Him for control. We think if we're in charge of the details, we can control the outcome. We remember His promises, but we don't rely on them. That small voice whispers, "What if I fall?"

We aren't going to fall.

As surely as that bridge supported my body, He holds us.

When I finally allowed myself to relax, there was such freedom in the trust. I am learning. One step at a time I am figuring this important lesson out.

"Faith, not fear."

"God is in control."

I am getting there.

So despite the sun that was beating down on me; regardless of my friends who were throwing grapes at me from the balcony above; the lesson was loud and clear:

Trust Him.