Illuminate

I walked smack into the middle of a crossroads this week.

I didn't see it coming.

My path had been nice and straight for a few years...diapering babies and chasing toddlers a reliable companion. Somehow as the babies became toddlers and the toddlers became children, more babies came. When the babies stopped coming, it didn't seem to alter my path, because God expanded our family through adoption and guardianship. (Thank you, Lord.)

And yet this week new roads appeared: branching to the left, veering to the right.

My beloved Precept Upon Precept teacher is unable to teach this fall. Guess who "happens" to be taking the leadership training next month? The same person who feels completely inadequate when she thinks of possibly leading an amazing group of women who have more wisdom in their little fingers than she has in her entire body. Yep, that would be me. Do I step forward?

My daughter needs a Christian school to go to in 2011. She needs a seventh grade teacher, and she needs to attend class in our town. The Christian school where my other children attend, the school where I taught for four years, does not currently have a seventh grade teacher. I have felt God calling me back to teaching, but when?

Out of nowhere, I was asked to consider applying for a part time position working with children. The job description fits my passions and for some reason they felt led to personally invite me to apply, but is that what God wants for me?

Then there is my straight forward road. The road that sees me raising my youngest children to school age and then ministering to them and to my home by being available and unencumbered by the responsibilities of a job. I know that God calls me to be the best mother and wife I can be. I know that if I stay on this path I will have no regrets. But, will I miss something God is calling me to do?

Crossroads. We all reach them. Sometimes the decision is life altering, like walking away from earthly possessions and going into a life of ministry. Sometimes they just take us through an unexpected detour and we come out on the other side blessed by our obedience.

"In the natural" as my friend Rebecca says, I want to start making lists of pros and cons and ifs and buts and whens and wherefores. I want to plow ahead and ask questions and secure decisions.

But life is not about what I want. Life is not about my plans. I've lived that life, the one where I trudge forward by myself, putting God on a shelf in my mind so I can take Him down and dust Him off when I am done being so busy. I don't want to do that anymore.

I learned a valuable lesson in my Precept class in January. One of the ladies was talking about the verse, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105) She reminded us that in old times there were no street lights or flashlights to guide people as they walked. Instead, they carried a small lantern that illuminated only the step right in front of them. Truly, that's all they needed...as long as they knew the ground was sure before them, they could take the next step in confidence.

The verse tells us that God's word is our lamp and light. It doesn't promise that God is going to reveal the next five hundred steps, but only the next one. He promises that if we are in Him, He will guide [us] in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. (Psalm 23:3)

This knowledge definitely takes the anxiety out of our crossroads. The truth is, the best thing we can do is pray. We need to pray that He will show us the path He wants us to take. We need to make sure that we don't make big life decisions based on selfish desires or motivations. Sometimes we have to step out in faith, knowing that He will not let us fall. This might mean taking a different path, or it might mean staying on the one we're on.

I don't know what the answers are going to be, and I'm okay with that. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and watching for the path that God has for me. Because wherever that road takes me, He's going to work it out for good.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11)