Glimmer Shine

So I got a call yesterday. In the middle of one of the worst days of a very long time, my friend Angie wanted to know if I could do her a favor. More specifically, she wanted to know if I could replace her MOPS speaker who had canceled, and by the way, she was supposed to speak in six hours.

My day was kind of already a mess. Literally and Figuratively.

It was the kind of messy day that resulted in the florist knocking on my door with a dozen roses from my husband who really, really doesn't like it when I am sad. They were beautiful; I was not so pretty.

But I really like Angie. She's a sweet friend and I wanted to help. So I said yes.

And promptly thereafter, I panicked.

My kids were crabby, the baby didn't nap, the house was a mess, I was irrationally sad about being irrationally angry about some stupid point I had tried to make when arguing with Steve that morning, I had to bring Shaylee to therapy, I needed to drop Kayanna and Aliegha off at church, I had a meeting to attend....and I couldn't find my speaking notes from a year ago, which I thought was the only hope I had of any semblance of sanity.

So as I was running around the house looking like the comedic relief on some sitcom, my friend Rebecca called.

I love Rebecca. There are many things I like about her, but one of the most beautiful things about her is her love for the Lord.

I think I talked to her for thirty two seconds, enough to get out that I needed to speak at the last minute and had no idea what I was doing, before she started praying.

I don't think I've ever prayed on the phone before. Why have I never prayed on the phone before???

It was my glimmer.

We only talked for three or four minutes. But those few moments gave me the foundation for the rest of the day. The building looked pretty horrible, but the foundation was rock solid.

For most of the rest of the afternoon, I sulked and groaned. I couldn't find my notes. I had no idea what to talk about without those notes. I didn't want to cancel, but I didn't want to look like a complete moron either. I didn't want to cancel, but I didn't want to look like a moron...I didn't want to cancel, but...well, you get the idea.

Steve reassured me that everyone would understand if I couldn't follow through. They knew I only had a small amount of time to prepare, I could tell them that I just couldn't find my notes. Everything would be okay, he promised.

But I didn't have peace. Something Rebecca had prayed during that phone call kept ringing through my mind. "God, we know that this was Your plan, that You have a reason that You want Crystal to speak tonight."

And so I found myself standing in front of my old laptop whose documents I had already searched a hundred million times. My wonderful, sweet husband took the baby in the back room so I could concentrate. In that moment before the computer flickered to life, I realized that I needed to stop trying to be in control of everything.

"All right, God," I prayed. "I feel like You want me to do this. Please help me find my notes."

It was short and simple. It was a cry of desperation.

But that glimmer from earlier in the day started to shine. I felt calm physically and spiritually.

And just as I came to the realization that God would get me through my speaking engagement even without my notes, I found my notes.

My topic entitled, "Overcoming Guilt" was in a file labeled "Devotion." How appropriate that I would find it there.

The rest of the night was wonderful. Everything came together, I enjoyed speaking to a wonderful group of ladies, and I went to sleep smiling.

It's those glimmer-to-shine moments that remind me that God loves me. Even when I feel ugly inside, He reminds me that I have the privilege of reflecting His beauty.