Yes in the Morning, No at Night

For those of you who are still following my journey here, thanks for sticking by me during my recent days of absence. As Christmas nears, my time has been claimed left and right by various activities that the children have. Things will slow down just in time for me to pack our bags and head to Rochester for a week.

I thought I'd give a general update on my say Yes lifestyle.

In some areas, I've been doing really well. I have been in the Word of God almost every day (I think I have only missed one day since starting this blog). I am still studying Judges with the Precept upon Precept study, and I have read Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus in the last three weeks. I am learning so much and have developed a new appreciation for the gift the Bible is.

I have continued to stay open to the will of God. There haven't been very many "obvious" moments where I know that God wants me to do something, but on the other hand, that means that I haven't had to have the experience of being disobedient.

There are definitely some areas in which I still struggle. Most of them deal with things that involve energy and discipline: housework, healthy lifestyle living (diet and exercise), and having the fortitude to truly do for the children what they deserve (undivided attention being so difficult sometimes with seven).

I find that in the morning, I have firm convictions. I will keep the house picked up as my children tornado through it, I will only eat foods that provide my body nutritional value, I will read to the children individually and keep the television turned off.

But towards the end of the afternoon, everything tends to fall apart. My energy starts to wane, and the children's energy doesn't. So I can't quite keep up as they create their whirlwinds, which makes me feel inadequate so I turn to junk food. The junk food makes me feel sluggish, so I turn on the television so that the children will be occupied while I try to clean up after them. The day ends with me praying for renewed strength the next day to be able to be the mother I know God wants me to be - not perfect, but better.

So this is where I am at. I have made some forward steps, like asking a dear friend to be my accountability partner for my physical health choices. Since the computer just sucks my time away, I made the decision to not use it until my morning chores are done and I have done my daily Bible study. This has helped a little.

My goal also is to post more here. I miss my quiet writing times; the way that God showed me a topic when I was praying for ideas.

I know that God did not give me seven children so that I could find out that I don't have the ability to do it right. He gave me seven children because He knew He would give me the strength to succeed. I just need to keep my eyes on Him.

The Reason

The craziness of the season has descended.

Between managing more than ten Christmas lists, checking and double checking the calendar every hour, and trying to make sure that everyone is where they need to be when they need to be there with what they are supposed to bring, I hardly have a moment to breathe.

But this year, I have made myself a promise. I promise that in those sacred breathing moments, I will remember the true meaning of Christmas. I will remember that family and friends and church and ministry is important, but that all of those things exist for the glory of God. Without Him, everything else would be meaningless.

He doesn't need to be set apart from all our busyness, either. My prayer is that in all things that we do, we will strive to bring forth the light of Christ. Whether that means saying, "Merry Christmas," to the store clerk that offers, "Happy Holidays," or taking the time to sit and discuss the birth of Christ and God's purpose for His life, we can keep Christ in Christmas.

This is the season that people who don't have Christ as their Savior tend to start searching...questing for something they might not even know they're looking for. But we know. By keeping our focus on Him this season, He may bring before us an opportunity to lead someone to a saving faith.

And we all know that's the best gift they'll ever receive.

Blinded

I woke up in a great mood this morning. Why? Because I was leaving the house to have breakfast with an amazing friend. Just the two of us, sans screaming and whining children. Complete bliss.

I was so anxious to get to the restaurant that I decided to forgo the "scraping of the windshield" part of going anywhere if you live in Wisconsin. After all, I could technically see. And besides, the beautiful ice crystals that danced across my line of vision were very pretty.

All was well for 75% of my drive. Then I turned left, right into the path of the sun.

Uh oh.

I couldn't see *anything*. Nothing. Just a brilliantly bright light.

Thankfully there was a side road directly to my left. Truly, I wouldn't have been able to go any further if it hadn't been there. I immediately realized why people scrape their windshields before driving. Apparently it only took me 16 years to learn that lesson.

So I made it to my breakfast by parking in the lot adjacent to that side street, in the opposite direction of the morning sun. I hurried to meet my friend and had a fantastic time catching up with her and sharing how God was moving in our lives.

I told her about my morning journey, and she laughed. "There is a parable in there somewhere," she said (proving once again why I just adore her.)

She was totally right. How many times in my life have I allowed myself a thin veil of the world? After all, I can still see God through it, can't I walk that fine line?

No, I can't. Because time after time I've seen that allowing the shadow blinds me to the perfection of His light.

Yes, it takes extra time. I have to make time to read the Bible every day, I have to remind myself to be in prayer. But dedicating those sections of my day to Him keeps my vision clear and my paths straight.

It's so worth it.

"Just Happened"

It was one of those mornings.

Steve called me to tell me that he had run out of gas while driving to the gas station. Both of us having not followed our typical rule of keeping at least 1/4 tank in the winter, I knew that I was almost out of gas also. Yet it was up to me to drive to the gas station to fill that lovely red container and bring it back to Steve so he could get to work.

As I turned on the van, alarm bells rang. My tires, all four of them, were low on air. Of course. But that "little" detail was going to have to wait for later.

Then it took me ten minutes to pull out of my driveway. Apparently 8:37 is the prime time in the morning for buses to drive down my street on their way to the high school. Finally I was on the road.

The window fogged up on the way down a steep hill. Nothing like driving down a snowy, curving road with no gas and no visibility!

I prayed all the way to the gas station, and moments later I coasted safely to the beautiful gasoline pumps.

After getting gas, I sat for a few minutes to let my windows defrost. I knew Steve was waiting for me, but I couldn't call him because...you guessed it, his cell phone had died. And I had the charger.

Finally I got back up the hill and pulled in next to Steve. He was freezing and very, very happy to see me. He quickly poured the gas in his tank and drove away.

As I pulled into my driveway, the spare key I had taken, since I couldn't find my regular keys, fell into the crack between the steering wheel and the dashboard. I imagined a long stick with a half-chewed sticky piece of gum on the end, but opted instead to just finally walk back into my house.

You would think this would be enough to shatter my day. But guess what? I was elated!

Instead of seeing all the negatives, I reveled in the blessings:

Steve's cell phone is broken and can't make outgoing calls. I "just happened" to call him right as he ran out of gas. Had I not done that, he would have been stuck with no way to let me know.

Steve was supposed to take Kahlan to swimming this morning. I "just happened" to decide at the last minute to give her the morning off, and so we slept until 6:30. Had he run out of gas at 6:15am, I couldn't have helped him until I was finished getting all the children to school.

I had an appointment with the dog groomer this morning that I "just happened" to cancel right before calling Steve. Had I not canceled the appointment, I would have gotten the children ready and headed out the door without ever calling Steve and finding out his predicament.

Scripture "just happened" to pop into my head as I was driving down that winding hill. I wish I could tell you what it was, but I truly have no idea. He gave it to me when I needed it, and it got me through with no anxiety.

After losing my spare key to the cavernous hole and walking back in my house, my regular car keys "just happened" to be sitting right on the counter...in plain sight.

God is so good. This could have been a horrible day, but instead it left me filled with joy and thankfulness.

Idolatry

I've been reading through the book of Judges, chapters 6-8. I can't say enough about the Precept upon Precept study that I have been doing, the content is just phenomenal.

So this week while looking at these versus, the study had me doing some cross referencing on idolatry. Which was actually really good timing, because Steve had just come home one night and told me that he heard a podcast that talked about the fact that idolatry isn't just worshiping idols made of wood. We make idols for ourselves in other things, like food, money, people, fame, etc.

Now thinking of those things, which certainly have and do tempt me to turn my sight from God, read this verse from Romans:

"And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:28-32)

Wow.

Now if that doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks.

And it is SO true. I know these things are wrong. But yet so many times I allow them to creep into my life. When you look at it all listed like that, it really gives you pause, doesn't it?

My prayer is that I will pay more attention to those things that I have set above God in my life, and that I will be conscious of my priorities.

When my perception was that idols were just wooden statues, I thought I had this thing in the bag.

I'm so glad that my eyes were opened to the idols of our world.

Gifted

It's that time of year again. My parenting message boards are filled with the adventures of moms and dads questing to find and purchase that perfect present. We laugh together, we offer ideas, we sit by the computer waiting for the online toy store to restock its virtual shelves so that we can share with our friends the link to this one coveted toy.

We stand in line on Black Friday. We memorize Walmart's delivery truck arrival times. We trudge through snow and rain and cold, just to place our hands on the item that completes our child's wish list.

Why? Why do we do it all?

We do it because one of the best things about being a parent is being the source of unbridled joy in our children. Our hearts light up with their faces. Their excitement makes every dollar and every harried moment totally worth it.

Tonight as I was making a batch of Christmas cookies, a thought came to me.

God gifts us every day.

His grace. His Word. His promises. His truth. His Son.

Why? Why does He give it all?

Because He loves us. Because He wants to be the source of unbridled joy in His children.

His gifts aren't just available on holidays. They are ours for the taking every single moment.

Our joy is His joy.

Let's delight in the Lord, thanking Him for His gifts.

In My Tent

For years, I knew them. As if sharing blood, my heart was exposed to theirs. I drew no lines between us, my trust limitless.

The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.) These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the earth.

The time came when the world pulled me down, my body falling to the ground as it fought mental battles.

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent.

And one, for whom I would have done anything, came out from within the dark place I had revealed, speaking my truth unspeakably.

Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside.

Two others, in spite of rumor and gossip's tantalizing temptation, came to me with cloaks of compassion, covering and shielding me when I couldn't.

But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness. (Genesis 9:18-23)

Betrayal versus Commitment. Judgment against Unconditional Love.

Forgiveness has long since faded the wound I felt so long ago, but I will never forget those who stood with me.

We can make a lasting impact in someone's life. Whose tent can you enter without judgment? To whom can you offer the warm garment of compassion?

All the Difference

Branches scratched at my arms, thorns dug into the space between my jeans and my shoes. Every third step saw me grabbing desperately for something to hold on to, my body either falling or swaying dangerously.

Finally I reached the top of my wooded mountain. Standing triumphant, I tipped my face to the sun and soaked in my victory. A moment later, I was back on my journey.

It wasn't long before my feet hit the forest floor. Going up and over the twenty foot mass of fallen trees and brush was my choice; I easily could have entered the woods from the other side. But I relished the adventure, I wanted to do it my own way.

Sitting on an old cement block in a pool of sunlight, I pulled an antique book from my backpack. Opening the familiar pages, I began to read aloud the words of poets who penned their words a hundred years before my time. My own Dead Poets Society.

At seventeen years old, they were some of my gods. My worship was the breath I gave their words, transforming text to life.

But inside, deep within heartache and disappointment, the void I longed to fill remained.

Today I worship a God who is alive, and that void is gone. I no longer feel the need to climb through dangerous obstacles to find that pool of sunshine, because it radiates from within me. The Book I read from doesn't have cracked and faded leather, but its words are timeless.

I think of the Robert Frost poem that ends with these famous lines:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Before Christ, I thought of myself as an adventurous young woman who would do anything to take the road less traveled. But I didn't realize that the path of individualism I thought I was foraging was actually a wide, well traveled highway. Seeking to find my own personal god, I was accompanying billions who quested for the same.

While walking what was really the wide path, I found the narrow one.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Matthew 7:13-14)

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" (John 14:6)

And that has made all the difference.