Twelve Years Ago

Twelve years ago today, I became a mother. If you had asked me about ten months prior to that day if being a mom any time soon was on my short list of to-do items, I would have laughed...loudly.

After all, I was only 19 years old. I wasn't married, in fact my boyfriend lived a thousand miles away. (Remember when a long distance phone call during daylight hours cost 25 cents a minute? Yeah, AT&T's financial department loved Steve and me. We often joke that our relationship helped fund the research necessary to develop free long distance.)

So you can imagine that when I was told, "You're pregnant!" my world kind of just stopped.

And that's when the questions started. Most frequently asked was, "What are you going to do?"

I had no idea. I was just a scared kid whose life had been one thing at 1:05, and something else completely at 1:09. How was I supposed to know what to do?

There were family members who were adamant. I was to get an abortion. Period. End of discussion. After all, I had a life to lead. I was studying to become a teacher, and I would never be a teacher if I had a baby. How could I ever finish school? Steve would never stick around, I was warned. I was a fool if I thought he would. Abortion was the only option.

I will never forget the moment after that conversation. I remember placing the phone gently back in its cradle, tears streaming down my face. My chest felt as if it had been crushed; my mind was completely numb. Was that the answer? Abort my baby? Was that what I was supposed to do?

I have never before or since heard God as loudly as I did that day. I wasn't a Christian yet, I didn't know what I believed about God and what I didn't. But God loves every one of His children, and I shook with the force of His answer.

NO!

Period. There was no room for doubt. The answer was simply, No.

And so I had a choice. And I chose to listen.

And today I watched my beautiful twelve year old daughter unwrap her presents and blow out the candles on her cake and talk about a hundred things that happened in her day, and none of those things would have happened if I had said No to God. She would not have happened. All the lives that she has touched would be different had I said No to God while sitting in my college dorm room shattered into pieces.

And guess what? Steve did stick around (we'll be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary next year), I did finish college (only three months later than I originally planned), and I did become a teacher. And the people who wanted me to have an abortion? I came to recognize the fact that they wanted that from me because they love me, and God used my choice to minister to them, too.

I sometimes have a hard time telling this story to people who I don't know. Not because I am afraid of what they will think about me, but because I know how many women have had abortions. I don't know the pain they are going through, but I understand a little bit more than most. Because I sat there on the edge of that decision. If anyone is reading this who has been through the other side of my experience, I am sorry. Know that even though I don't know you by name, my prayers are with you often.

People have told me, "Abortion is a woman's choice. Abortion is not about the baby. It is not a life until birth."

Kahlan will boldly tell you otherwise.