Yes...I Don't Want To...No

Wow, was yesterday a day! Almost immediately after making the commitment to start saying, "Yes!" many opportunities came for which I initially wanted to say, "No, thank you."

Some things were small...like forwarding the blog address to a friend who came to my mind for no particular reason as I was writing, and taking the extra time to sit and really listen to my oldest daughter talk about something that had happened during her day, and picking up the phone when a friend called during a particularly hectic evening. For each of these, and a dozen more, I at first wanted to ignore that feeling...I didn't want to be embarrassed, or I was too busy, or, or, or...

But then I took a millisecond to pause and think about saying Yes.

And, for most of them...for the ones I felt that little "feeling" about...I did.

And I was really happy that I did. Not all of them yielded "No wonder God wanted me to do this!" moments, but a couple did. Like getting that hug from Kahlan after she was done talking; a look in her eyes that told me she understood and appreciated the fact that I listened even in the chaos that was going on. And realizing as I talked to my friend that I CAN prepare supper, change the baby's diaper, direct the children, and have a great conversation all at the same time...a conversation that ministered to me, a conversation that I would have completely missed out on.

All these warm fuzzies, right? And then I went to bed at a decent hour and cuddled up to my husband, and dreamed sweet dreams of blissfulness....

Or not.

You know how it is said that when you decide to strengthen (or begin) your walk with God, sometimes the Devil takes notice? Well, I got noticed.

Steve and I rarely fight. Rarely is probably even too strong of a word. We're kind of at the step that is before rarely....like rarely rarely fight. Sure, we bicker a lot, but it is mostly just bantering that both of us enjoy. Well, sure enough, I got presented a very obvious chance to say Yes to God.

We were in the middle of a fight about something incredibly stupid. Like so stupid that if I wrote it here you would shake your head and wonder how someone could even craft an argument around that subject. But we all know how that goes, don't we? And a lot of times when we get in those arguments with our husbands, we women are right. (Sorry, guys, but it's true.)

This was not one of those times.

So we were arguing, and I felt God's fingers on my heart, and I knew that the right thing to do was stop my sharp tongue and apologize. I was truly in the wrong. I was having one of those irrational-wife-moments. The kind that really only fly when we're pregnant. That kind. And I knew it.

I even thought to myself, "This is it! I've been doing it for little things all day, but this is it! The big opportunity has arrived!"

But man, I didn't WANT to apologize. I WANTED to be ANGRY. I WANTED to make HIM sorry that he had made me upset. I was enjoying my suffering....even though it was wrong. Even though I was saying hurtful things.

And so I said No.

And two hours later, when I finally gave in and did what God had wanted me to do in the first place, I saw the love and forgiveness of my husband that I would have gotten right away. Two hours I spent in anger, in defiance, and in misery.

But God uses all things for good and for His glory for those who love Him. Though I made a mistake, I will not soon forget my "No" lesson.

Because saying, "Yes," not only gives glory to God, it also feels so much better. That's our blessing, our reward. It's so worth it.