I Think I Just Said No

All day today I bumped into different messages about saying Yes to God in difficult situations. The song on the different Christian radio station I happened to try out today was about obedience, my Bible study talked about it, it was all over the place. I even teared up when listening to a radio broadcast on my way home from church, because guess what the message was about? Following God's prompting in difficult or embarrassing situations. I have been doing so well with saying Yes, and that was what the tears were for; I was just so excited that I finally "got it".

So, enter 2:00. It's time for me to go get my five year old from Kindergarten. For some reason I grabbed my iPod Touch from the top of the refrigerator. I hadn't even touched it in probably a week, but I grabbed it. As I was walking out the door, I thought to look to see if Kay Arthur had podcasts that I could listen to on my iPod, but quickly realized that you kind of need the internet in order to do that, and I kind of can't access the internet while walking down the street. So, I basically carried it in my hand and rotated it around every once in a while, wishing my pants had pockets.

A minute or so later I was standing in the school waiting for Shaylee to appear. A lady walked past me to wait also. I immediately had the feeling that I should give her my iPod. My response was kind of like this:

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Now this was not a Random Thought. This wasn't like thinking that your Uncle Fred needs a new couch and absentmindedly wondering if you should give him yours before remembering that he doesn't like the color blue. This was like being told that I needed to give this woman my iPod and then feeling my heart race and my face flush as I struggled with it.

You'll notice that my thoughts all started with the same word...

"But it's MY iPod! But Steve gave it to me! But he inscribed the back of it with my name and the sweetest little sentiment on it! But she wouldn't even have a charger for it, what good would it do her? But it has my kids' pictures on it and I don't even know this woman, that's a big deal! But I am logged on to Facebook on it, she'd have all my information, and my emails!"

(I'm going to write this one in parentheses, because we all know that guys tend to skip over stuff in parentheses, right? But ladies, it even had my menstrual cycle information in it!!! This is personal stuff!)

No matter what I said, no matter how much I whined in my head, I could not get that feeling to go away. So I kind of sort of thought about it. I looked for a quick way to reset it, but couldn't figure it out. I thought about giving it to her and asking her to reset it, but couldn't make myself be okay with the fact that she might not do that. I thought about giving it to her and then telling her that I can't imagine why God would ask me to do that, and then ask for her to give it back, but I figured that wasn't exactly what God probably had in mind. I even thought about giving it to her with the HOPE that she would just give it back, but what if she didn't?

All these thoughts were racing through my head as I walked out of the school. When I looked up for a quick second, guess who was walking in front of me? Yep. I followed her down the sidewalk, even crossing the street when she did, giving me time to wrestle my thoughts around.

In the end, I just didn't do it. I want to say that I couldn't do it, but of course I could have. I just didn't.

The fact is, it isn't good for a stranger to have information about you. Steve might very well have been upset that I gave it away. But if God was truly telling me to give that lady my iPod, then I was disobedient. I may have missed out on something wonderful that God had in store for me, or missed out on the opportunity to be a witness for Christ. After all, how many people have walked up to you and just given you a $300 item? If they did, you'd probably take a minute to find out why, wouldn't you? I would.

In her book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, Lysa TerKeurst says, "One thing you can be assured of is that God has already worked out all the details of what your obedience will accomplish - and it's good. We need not fear what our obedience will cause to happen in our life. We should only fear what our disobedience will cause us to miss."

I don't know if God wanted me to do this to benefit the lady he chose, or me. Maybe both of us would have been blessed because of it. It might have been that He just wanted to give me an opportunity to show my obedience to Him. Whatever it was, I won't know what the result would have been.

Maybe the lesson in all this is that I can't ever think I have this journey all mapped out. This morning I thought that I really had a handle on saying Yes, and this afternoon I realized that I never will. Why? Because if saying Yes was easy, it wouldn't be a big deal.

And it is.